Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tekken Movie...Review? (spoilers alert)

Tekken, a name that describes "corporation", "domination", "tournament" and "family feud". What starts out as a game franchise, should always stay as a game franchise. I have tried to challenge this rule yesterday because I could not resist the temptation to see gaming characters come to life on the big silver screen.

Among the 40+ characters that revolve around the Tekken game, only a handful were picked for the movie. These characters are:


Marshall Law
(portrayed by Cung Le, the martial artist, he truly is...TRULY IS...TRUUUULY ISSS the wasted talent #1 of the movie because he was the 1st to show up, and the 1st to go...that's just sad)


Jun Kazama
(looks older than the game character because she's already a mom, understandable, no issues here)


Steve Fox
(played by a bald guy? Did not even fight at all?! His only "important" role was to give his damn red boxing gloves to Jin later in the movie)



Anna & Nina Williams
(rival sisters but portrayed as VERY cooperative sisters in the movie, even shared the same man in bed, wtf...and you won't believe who the man is -_-)


Jack
(seriously? What's up with making Jack the ROBOTIC muscle of the Mishima Corp into bloody human foot soldiers with puny guns?! Out of budget for some CG I assume...)


Bryan Fury
(OK, I gotta give this guy credit, he plays his role pretty close to the game counter part. There's just one thing not right...he ain't no robot! But i just love his "Bin Tai"-ness, muahhahhaha!!!)


Miguel
(What the hell do they have in common? They're both spanish, and that's all. no costume, no hairdo, totally different fighting style, i dont know wth he's doing or what's his purpose in the movie)


Sergei Dragunov
(Dragunov is supposed to be a character who doesn't talk or smile. He just poses emo-ly and gets the job done using his Sambo fighting technique...but in the movie...*sigh*)



Raven
(Master of ninjutsu...said the commentator during the match in the movie, but all I see are punches and kicks...no disappearing act, no shadow clone whatsoever...*sigh again* At one point, he even got to use a machine gun, where is the way of the ninja?!)


Eddy Gordo
(wasted talent #2, as a Brazillian fighter who practises Capoeira however you spell it, he gets knocked out in his first match. He also starred in the Tom Yum Goong movie, impressive moves, but here...*sighhhhhhh*)


Christie Monteiro
(Another Capoeira practitioner, but NEVER seen fighting with it)


Yoshimitsu


Kazuya Mishima
(and here I was...wondering who is playing Kazuya for the 1st 30 min into the movie, only to find out that this ... guy... was Kazuya all along...WTF don't look like him!!!)


Heihachi Mishima
(Yet another wasted talent, as this actor was the main villain for Mortal Kombat movie. He knows martial arts, but never seen him fighting at all. Instead, he was killed by the damn beardy Kazuya with a ****ing pistol. IIRC, guns are nothing to Heihachi in the game)


Jin Kazama
(our main character who "doesn't look like much" quoted Christie Monteiro. The Jin we all know knows at least some karate moves, but here...oh well...a movie is just a movie and not a game...)

P.s No pics available for Yoshimitsu...and although he is portrayed as a skillful samurai...he lost to a guy using a bo stick WTF...

And for those who actually bothered to read through this crappy review (or is it?), this is a glimpse of me playing Tekken in the arcade before the movie started.



Innocent boy no more...