My Failed Attempt On a Girl

Back when I was studying during my secondary school days, I didn't know shit about love. I know nothing about courting girls, heck I don't even have the charm like most of the other guys had in school. I was not as handsome as them, not as charismatic as them, and believe it or not, I actually had trouble mixing around with girls. And somehow I got into a relationship which didn't last too long nor genuine enough to make me realise how sucky I was as a partner. True enough, I didn't feel emotional at all after the break up (some say I have no feelings/heartless/cruel).

But then there was this girl whom I have not noticed since primary school. Didn't pay much attention to her during primary, but slowly got to know her more during my pre-relationship. She was sort of related to the whole thing...and yet I was too naive to realise what was more important.

How could I ever forgive myself for feeding the food she gave me to a stray cat. Sigh, those were the times when I was not aware of people's feelings, how it'd hurt her. Speaking of which, there was a time when she once decided to open up to me on the phone, telling me her personal issues. And what was I doing at that time? You guessed it, playing game...It was really rude, yes I know...

Fast forwarding to the college days. I remembered not attending for her birthday because I had to sit for my driving exam. I figured it was OK because I was not as important to her as her bf at that time. I was wrong...Now I realise that friends are equally as important as your life partner.

As time passed after her break-up, I often called to show that I care (yeah, I know it's kinda cheesy this way). I called with the excuse of calling for fun and guess what, the line was either silent or it ended pretty quickly. Most of the time she won't even pick up my call. I knew I was a total nuisance to be wanting to chat with her all the time, but I kept doing it regardless.

Another year passed and her birthday approached near. I took her out alone to the big city to catch a movie of her choice. If only I was a better planner, I could have made it a day she will not forget. The very evening, we got lost in the city on our way home. And then I realised if I cared a lot for her, I would have practised and familiarise myself with the roads in the city. 

On our way home, I remembered when I asked how she felt when I called her on the phone and the reason sometimes she didn't pick up my call. She said I was annoying and that sometimes it wasn't the right moment. I understood what she said and no hard feelings. By the end of the journey, how bad could it have ended when I totally screwed the proposal.

Since then, I have been living full of regrets. Why did I do this, why did I do that etc etc etc...Then came the moment when we are supposed to develope a flash application. I instantly thought of her and dedicatedly made it for her, hoping that she will like it. I sent it through email, asking her to reply if she like it, but no reply whatsoever till recently. I guess it wasn't good enough.

These events and many more took place in our lives. I was really a douche back then, and I don't blame her for labelling me "annoying". All I could hope for now is that she would give me a chance to start again, hopefully not too late.