Ultraman Flawless?

(note: go check out JDream's Ultraman post first before reading mine)

I had watched many super hero shows since i was very young. But the one-of-a-kind fan favourite is the 130 feet, eye bulging, stiff-mouthed, reptilian-looking, red/silver hero casually known as Ultraman.


Ultraman Mata Juling...ROTFLMAO

That was then...look how the Ultraman saga has evolved. We even have purple Ultraman! What?! Has Father Ultra became a gigolo and started seks rambang (free-sexual activity)?! I mean, doesn't Mother Ultra even know that her children are multi-coloured?! Imagine seeing someone whose face is blue in colour while his hands are green...and that his dick duck is purple, i bet he most probably can't and will not find the love of his life.
Multi-coloured Ultraman...another gimmick to fool kids these days. Why? Perhaps the Tsuburaya crew had ran out of creativity in costumes, no? Yes, we all do realise the countless flaws in the production, but what matters most are far from just those stated in my cousin's blog. To answer some of his questions, here are the possibilities and what i think of them personally:

1. The zipper thing along Ultraman's back is actually disguised as a long 'fin' to enable him 2 maintain his posture to fly smoothly in the sky. Obviously he isn't Superman who has aero-dynamic bodyshape, (come to think of it, neither Superman has it) so the most suitable reason must be that. Note that Ultraman has small sissy muscles, which means cheap actors. Kids wont want to see their hero struggling to gain balance in the sky, THAT would appear as a retard of the century.

2. No, the monsters (sometimes aliens) are not racists. They just 'happen' to be there 'unexpectedly'. But i'd prefer them to fight in Afghan or Iraq or any non-urban area. The reason? Collapsed and destroyed buildings make the whole episode a fluke! C'mon! Big structures like the Tokyo Tower being made out of cardboard and then get destroyed a moment later?! And they're rebuilt within a week?! WTF?! So cheap man! But then again, what is an Ultraman show without any chaos? Bottomline: make more realistic plastic buildings. period.


Plastic buildings at the back (VERY obvious)


Realistic looking building with some earth-burst-out-of-the-ground effect, cool!


This is how the city environment should look like. Shot in Australia. Japan, learn from the Australians!

3. Having duels in forests are the best. Trees grow, whereas buildings don't. Who gives a damn if the animals in the forests die? As long as the human population is maintained, it's good enough =p You can't leave it all to nature though. For example, if the duel is set in the ocean. What i mean is IN the ocean, UNDERWATER! Things really get mixed up here.


Fake trees...

The Ultraman and the monster fight furiously underwater...:

- without even a bubble made when they move (unless the actors in rubber suits are performing their acts in a big ass aquarium, which btw i don't think the director could afford cause it's a low cost show *kihkihkih*).

- with the exception of extra long breathing time in the medium. Makes me wonder as well...does Ultraman have slower breathing rate? Or are his lungs just simply 10 times bigger than his head? If he needs to breathe, where are his nostrils? Wow, a 130 feet giant's nostril must be at least...2 metres wide...OMFG!!! No wonder they didn't implement the nostrils ROTFLMAO Speaking of nose-holes...hehe, bad thinking you have there...hehe...how come Ultraman doesn't have that zipper for his dick mommy-daddy button? He can pee in space if he wants to, no perverted alien will go, "Hey Sparky, look! It's Ultraman with his 5 metre long dick duck!" But that doesn't mean he doesn't need a zipper for it, right?

4. Anyway, back to topic. Yes, i agree about the 'M.A.T' (Monster Attack Team) and the weapon designers. Why do you think the airplanes are useless against these fake-and-not-at-all-horrendous monsters? They rarely do any good to help our beloved multi-coloured hero (except a few occasions though, where the puny laser penetrates the monster's eye, distracting it, causing Ultraman to free himself from a trap)


A 'trap' by the monster. Oh wait...that's no trap. The Ultraman looks like he's holding the monster's...

5. However, in some shows, the M.A.T team knows that their comrade is an Ultraman. If that is so, why do they still need M.A.T? Ironic isn't it? It's like saying that you're using a solar-powered torchlight. (If you don't get what i mean, flush yourself please...)

6.No blood is spilled or splattered around the town although tonnes of falling debris are scattered everywhere, not to mention collapsing buildings. Where are all the medics, and police/soldiers?? Why don't the production include talented actors and actresses to cry at the background when their 'family' are crushed by the falling debris?? There's just not enough sadness in the show. Imagine how much the television will be flooded with news regarding the 'flattening of Tokyo'...week by week, same ol' news...so predictable that a chart has to be drawn out to show the percentage of (insert town here, only in Japan, mind you) being destroyed weekly. They can even host a game show.

It goes something like this:

Players place their bets on these towns, the player who places his bets on the town-to-be-destroyed-that-weekend will win extra cash the following week (and the whole process repeats itself, how fun! Haha...).

Hell, so much more to say but im getting tired of this Ultraman thing...it's just too fake for me to blog more about it. Comments, anyone?

More followup pictures:


Alien Baltan being one of the first aliens in the Ultraman saga.


Ultraman Great Vs Alien (settings: on Mars). One swipe from its 'arms' and you're doomed!


This looks awesome!